Parenting: Losing Another Teachable Moment. Capture in reflection and writing instead!

When my sons asked me about their grandfather, I was lost. I wrote in my blog so that my sons would not miss out on the lessons which I learnt from their grandfather due to my lack of preparation then. I hope my reflections on my father would also prepare you (and visitors of my blog) when the day (your kids questioned you about father) come.

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Lessons from my Grandfather

1. Seeing Strength Beyond Struggles

As you grow into adulthood, there will be moments when you reflect on the people who shaped your life. You may question their choices, their actions, and even the circumstances they endured. But among those thoughts, I hope you take a moment to see the strength, the sacrifices, and the silent lessons hidden in their journey.

I want to tell you about your grandfather. He was not a man of grand achievements or luxuries. He did not give extravagant gifts, nor did he hold long conversations filled with advice. But his life—one of perseverance, quiet dignity, and unspoken sacrifice—was a testament to a lesson that I now recognize as invaluable.

2. A Life of Sacrifice and Silent Dedication

Your grandfather grew up in hardship, working tirelessly to support his family as a young man. He took on the night shift as a security officer, enduring long hours of solitude and fatigue. His world was not filled with comfort, yet he ensured that his children—your parents—would have the education that gave them the ability to dream bigger.

There were arguments in our household, mostly about the lack of money. My mother often voiced her frustration, and my father bore it in silence. His life was not easy, but he endured. He scrimped, saved, and put aside his own desires so that his children could succeed.

Even in difficult childhood, his kindness never wavered. He helped his siblings receive education, and years later, when he faced financial struggles himself, they stepped in to support him. The goodness he shared with others came back to him in ways that proved that even quiet sacrifices never go unseen.

3. The Freedom to Choose One’s Path

Your grandfather had an exceptional ability—one that few people truly master. He did not interfere, nor did he impose judgment. He allowed his children to shape their own futures, granting a level of freedom that, as a father myself, I now realize is incredibly difficult to give.

Through years of reading, thinking, and quietly observing the world, he understood that life choices are ever-changing, shaped by circumstances beyond immediate control. While he encouraged diligence and education, he did not dictate how success should look.

He acted for a very long period of his life that he believed in self-agency—the idea that one could build their own destiny through perseverance and learning (though he did not come close to success). And because of that upbringing, I was given the freedom to choose and the responsibility to bear the consequences. This, too, is the legacy of your grandfather—a quiet force that allowed his children to become who they needed to be.

4. The Power of Continuous Learning and Reading

One of the lessons your grandfather carried with him—perhaps more than any other—was the belief that learning never stops. He may not have been a man of vast material wealth, but he understood something far greater: that knowledge is an asset that cannot be taken away.

I remember him telling me that reading and learning were a way to live with hope. Books, newspapers, exhibitions—they were windows into a world beyond what he could physically explore. He didn’t have the privilege of travel, yet through his readings, he envisioned China rising to global prominence—a prediction that proved true decades later.

His life did not demonstrate how knowledge alone could lead to success, but it showed that knowledge fuels determination, ideas, and possibilities. It teaches us to think beyond our present circumstances, to imagine what is possible, and to take action toward a better future. If there is one message I hope you take from your grandfather, it is this: never stop learning. Whether through books, conversations, experiences, or observation, the ability to seek knowledge is what keeps us moving forward.

5. Looking Beyond Imperfections

As you navigate life, you may struggle with your relationships—perhaps with your parents, grandparents, or elders who sometimes seem distant or imperfect. You may hold memories of disagreements, unspoken frustrations, or moments that made you question their choices. But I urge you to look beyond those experiences.

See the layers of their lives—the burdens they carried, the lessons they tried to teach, the quiet ways they showed love. Sometimes, that love is not spoken aloud, nor is it expressed in ways you expect. Sometimes, it is found in sacrifices, in endurance, in presence. If I could go back in time, I would not have told my father how much I appreciated him, but at least I could have better understand his struggles. But life moves forward, and all I can do now is ensure that I pass this lesson on to you.

6. One Day, When You Become a Parent

One day, when you become a parent, you will begin to see things differently. You will wonder how much guidance is too much, and how much is too little. You will struggle with the balance between protecting your children and giving them the space to grow on their own. And when that day comes, I hope you remember your grandfather—not just as an elder, but as someone who quietly shaped the way we think about life and learning.

Let his story remind you that love and sacrifice do not always come in grand gestures, but in the perseverance and choices made each day. And let his belief in continuous learning inspire you to pass on the lesson that knowledge is not just about success, but about hope, resilience, and growth. Because one day, when time has passed and opportunities to connect have slipped away, all that remains are memories. And the greatest regret is not in failing to achieve, but in failing to see the good in those who stood before us.

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In closing, I am sure this is an imperfect account of the many lessons my father had taught me in my 4 decades of life. However, I embraced this imperfection and believed it is enough to be aired before I got drowned in the daily nitty gritty and forgotten all about it.