Parenting: I hit my son. Will I ever be a good enough parent?

Parenting is rarely a seamless experience. There are days of joy, and there are days when frustration takes over. I learned this the hard way—through a mistake that still lingers in my heart.

It was a day like any other, but my patience had already worn thin. My younger son, full of playful energy, was trying to trip his older brother. His older sibling grew irritated, and I found myself caught between their never-ending dynamics while carrying the weight of my own frustrations. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind, but I didn't realize just how much my mood was affecting me.

Then came the moment I wish I could redo—I lost control. Instead of calmly addressing the situation, I reacted with force, sending my son crashing to the ground. His cries were immediate, and so was my regret. But I didn’t apologize right away. I justified my actions, preached about the dangers of tripping, and tried to redirect attention elsewhere. Deep down, I knew I hadn’t handled it well.

The Struggle With Discipline and Control

There’s an old saying, “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” I have never been a firm believer in that philosophy, yet there were moments when I felt that discipline—sometimes through force—was necessary.

Years ago, I worried about losing control during moments of frustration. I feared that my hands, in the heat of anger, might inflict harm beyond what was intended. So, I bought a cane, thinking that it would allow me to discipline with measured control rather than unrestrained force.

Thankfully, over the years, I worked hard to manage my emotions better. I learned to reframe how I viewed my children’s playful behavior and exercise patience. And most of the time, I succeeded. But as I learned on that difficult day, uncontrollable incidents can still happen. Despite my efforts, frustration can still surge unexpectedly, overriding my ability to reason in the moment.

The Path to Repair and Reflection

Later, when emotions settled, I knew I had to acknowledge my mistake. I apologized, not just for my reaction, but for failing to manage my emotions in a way that aligned with the parent I aspired to be. I admitted that sometimes, my patience isn't endless—that while I try, I can’t always get it right.

The truth is, parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about recognizing when we fall short and making the effort to repair, to grow, and to understand the impact we have on our children. It's about acknowledging that emotions—both theirs and ours—are real, valid, and sometimes overwhelming.

One of the most powerful tools we have as parents is the ability to own our mistakes and communicate openly. A heartfelt apology can rebuild trust, model accountability, and show our children that relationships can heal. If you've ever found yourself in a similar situation, here's a letter that might help start the conversation:

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Dear Son, my favourite younger Son,

I want to take a moment to talk to you about what happened the other day. More importantly, I want to apologize.

I know that my actions hurt you, both physically and emotionally. When I reacted in anger, I made a mistake—I let my frustration take over instead of finding a better way to talk to you. That is not how I should have handled the situation, and I regret it deeply.

No matter how tired or frustrated I may feel, I should never let those emotions turn into actions that hurt the people I love. You did not deserve that.

I want you to know that my love for you is unwavering, even when I struggle to express it the right way. Parents are meant to protect and guide their children, and in that moment, I failed you. I can’t take back what happened, but I can promise you that I will work on being a better parent—one who listens, one who controls their emotions, and one who treats you with the respect and kindness you deserve.

You are an incredible child—full of energy, curiosity, and joy. I don’t ever want my mistakes to take that away from you.

If you ever want to talk about how you felt that day, I am here to listen. No judgment, no frustration—just a parent who wants to understand and grow.

I love you more than words can express. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

With love, Dad

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What "Good Enough" Parenting Means

Many of us strive for perfection, but perfection is unrealistic. Good enough parenting means:

• Being aware of your emotions and how they affect your reactions.

• Owning up to mistakes and showing your children what accountability looks like.

• Teaching them that emotions are normal, but finding healthy ways to process them is key.

• Striving for harmony, while understanding that conflict is sometimes inevitable.

• Letting go of guilt when things don’t go as planned—but using those moments as lessons for growth.

Children don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who are present, who learn, who evolve, and who love them enough to say, “I was wrong. I’ll do better.”

Moving Forward With Awareness

Good enough parenting isn’t about lowering our standards—it’s about being real. It's about giving ourselves grace while still holding ourselves accountable.

If there’s one takeaway from my experience, it’s that frustration will come and mistakes will happen. But it's in how we respond afterward that defines the kind of parents we are.

Let’s aim not for perfection, but for presence, self-awareness, and the commitment to grow alongside our children.